Noor's life on the path to Jannah

Dunya vs. Deen…the battle continues

In Uncategorized on May 27, 2009 at 10:20 pm

Assalamu Aleikum everyone,

First of all, JazakAllah Khair for the awesome comments I’m getting so far. I was wondering if anyone would bother to read this blog and I’m happy to say that the answer is yes. I really appreciate it and please keep those responses coming. There is nothing more I’d love to have right now than a network of loving sisters in cyberspace. 🙂

I’m in a very contemplative mood right now. Allah SWT has chosen to test me in this lifetime with mental illness (bipolar depression) and an eating disorder (binge eating disorder) and even though I try to face these tests to the best of my ability, I really struggle with them. Allah SWT has gifted me with so much but I am far from being the woman and sister I’d like to be….not by a long shot. My struggle of dunya vs. deen continues as it does day by day. I remember speaking to a wonderful sister who, after hearing about some of my battles, said that the accursed shaytan must be really angry that I became a Muslim. Great…as if I didn’t have enough issues with the shaytan already. I guess my biggest issue, and maybe this is a leftover issue from my agnostic days, is that I have a problem with the idea that a shaytan even exists in the first place. It’s not great to know that there is an entity out there who is on your back 24/7 trying to mess up your life and turn you away from Allah SWT.

Astaghfirallah, sometimes I even pretend that there is no such thing as a shaytan and I try to go my merry way in life, but of course that’s just a fantasy as it is stated clearly in Quran that he does exist. So whether I choose to admit it or not, I am stuck fighting this battle every day of my life. I should probably stop writing about the shaytan now as he is probably thrilled that I am giving him so much attention, but hey….it’s a problem. And don’t even get me started about waswasa.

It seems that whenever a positive thought enters my head waswasa invades my mind and poisons my thoughts. For example, I have waswasa every time I post to this blog. The waswasa says that I am a lousy writer, that I’m boring, that nobody will want to read this. What I need to remember is that waswasa is a LIE and that I should just ignore it….again, easier said than done.

If Allah SWT has guided you to read this post, could you do me a little favor? How do you fight your battles with the accursed shaytan? How do you handle waswasa? What works for you? That would mean so much to me.

In other, more mundane, news, I’m glad it’s Wednesday. I know that we just had a federal holiday and that the workweek is technically still pretty young, but I miss my hubby so much when he’s not around. I have prepared a marvelous dish of shrimp scampi (with so much garlic that you can probably smell it a mile away) and insha-Allah we’ll enjoy it tremendously. Ya know, speaking of cooking and being Muslim, I recently read that it was a blessing to cook for your husband and that we wives (or sisters or moms 0r friends) will be rewarded in Jannah for it with a selection of anything that we would like to eat (halal, of course.) To me, that is the ultimate gift as I don’t think there will be any calorie counting in Jannah! 🙂

One final thing: I keep meaning to say this but keep forgetting, so this is really important. I am not a scholar or a hafiz or anyone with that kind of knowledge about Islam (may Allah SWT increase my understanding) so I am trying to tread very lightly when it comes to posting anything related to sharia or fatwas in this blog. All of my knowledge and understanding comes from Allah SWT and any mistakes are my own. I humbly ask Him to forgive me for any mistakes I may write in this blog about Islam, hopefully there won’t be any–but I’m only human.

May Allah SWT shower you with his generosity, love, abundance, and infinite mercy.

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  1. As Salamu ‘aleikum wa rahma tuLaah wa barakatuh

    Praise be to Allaah for having guided you.

    I’ve been struggling with eating disorders for 6 years,and borderline personality disorder/post traumatic stress/inferiority complex and severe depression for 3 years.

    Just recently i saw the day i thought i’d never see : i was cured.I made sincere du’a that i’ve been previously postponing,partially because i doubted i was of any significance to Allaah,and partially because i thought i was doomed and i had no hope.For 3 horrible,torturing years i had the solution to change my situation within minutes,in my hand.Praise be to Allaah,Subhanahu wa ta’ala.So having been in a similar situation like u- pray.pray,pray!!

    Shaytan cause all of these mental disorders by firstly turning you away from the Remembrance of Allaah.Psychologists have agreed that it is virtually impossible for a religious person to get depression.

    (trans) Those who believed,and whose hearts find rest in the remembrance of Allaah:verily,in the remembrance of Allaah do hearts find rest.
    [Ar-Ra’d,v.28]

    Waswaas is there,day and night.In the prayers,with your gatherings,even in your sleep.So how can we repel it?Allaah says

    (trans) And if an evil whisper comes to you from Shaytan then seek refuge with Allaah.Verily,He is All-Hearer,All-Knower.
    Verily ,those who are Al-Muttaquun (pious) when an evil thought comes to them from Shaytan they remember (Allaah) and (indeed) they then see (aright).
    But(as for) their brothers (the devils) they (i.e. The devils) plunge them deeper into error,and they never stop short.
    [Al-A’raf,v.200-202]

  2. Well it seems we have a lot in common :S I used to suffer from bipolar II or at least that is what I was diagnosed with… along with other things I dont want to say here cuz of revealing sins and all.. and up until a year ago I used to have anger issues too… so seek refuge with Allah, if it is in His will and you give yourself over to Him, He can cure you of any ailment.

    My advice is to learn as much as you can about the deen, surround yourself with sisters who are high in eman and practice of Islam, and make a lot of worship and duaa and you will find your issues dissipating slowly… it is hard to recognize at first, but then you will find after some time goes by that things are just easier to cope with…

    May Allah make it easy sis, and thanks for dropping by my blog. I will definitely add yours to my reader and if there is anything you want to talk about, my inbox is always open 😀

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